Saturday, May 22, 2010

do the best you can

so here i sit
pregnant belly bursting out of me
(i really am just like huge)
and i can't help but stop and think
about all the changes (not just in size)
but in me in the last few months

i've had two ppl in the last few days comment
on how much i've grown up in the last few months
and i guess i should be happy
but all i can focus on is how far i need to go from here
with tears streaming down my face
i've attempted for the millionth time tonight
to figure out education and jobs
and all i get is a "melissa, thats not gonna be enough money"
from my dad for the 60 seconds he spares
to even talk to me about it
then my thoughts wander to how i'm single
and pretty much alone in this
how i'm dependent on everyone
i think about all the "you cant's"
how its saturday and i have nothing to do tonight
or any night really for that matter
haha how i'm in my parents office
crying about all of this.

i wonder if i would've known
that this was the decision i was making
that my life was going to turn out like this
would i have done everything the same?

i guess thats why the big mans in charge and i'm not lol
and i guess i have a lot to be thankful for too
that i'm just not focusing on right now

i've watched sooo much sixteen and pregnant
yeah, i'm addicted
and it really makes me grateful how much older
i am and how much more experience i have
even though it's overwhelming and i don't
know some days if i'll be able to do it
i know that god will make a way.

a lady stood up in church and talked about
how she had a trial she needed to overcome and figure out
so she asked god about it
and just felt overwhelmed like she could never do it
but then she heard from someone that you
should do the best you can and god
will make up the rest
so she did that and everything has worked out.

i try to think of this at stupid moments like these
where i just feel like everything is so wrong
and soooo impossible
when i feel so alone and lost

hopefully tomorrow will be better eh?

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