Thursday, January 13, 2011
It all seems so unreal
Some days I still can't believe that I'm a mother. It is so unreal to me. The idea both makes me proud and terrifies me. I can't believe I've made it this far. I can't believe that I've grown up this much. I also can't believe that I have this much responsibility. I don't think I'll ever feel ready to take all of this on. The idea of going to school (which I'll be starting shortly) scares me a bit. I've got to be the one to bring home the bacon though so I figure I better just embrace the fact that I wear both the pants and the apron. Then there's the prospect of making new, mormon friends, that are good for me, and dating. Ahhh! The dreaded dating. I can hardly imagine getting into that again. Don't get me wrong, I would love to date right now, I don't want to be a single mom forever, but I haven't done it for sooo long that it's just sooo scary. Then there's the fact that most of the guys I've met since being pregnant have just been creepy towards me once they've found out that I have a baby. A relationship just doesn't seem possible. Then again, it didn't seem possible that I'd ever be able to take care of a baby on my own, or run a household on my own, so I guess maybe some day it'll happen. How in the world this became a dating entry, I don't know. Well anyway, as glamorous as being a single mom is, being peed on, pooped on, spit up on, being up at all hours, getting up early, barely having time to eat pee or shower, I wouldn't trade it for the world. My little man is all I need :] and I know this is only the beginning of my journey.