Thursday, April 21, 2011
So this is me being too lazy to get in the computer at my parents house so.. I'm using mu android phone to post. Hopefully it works cuz sometimes this phone doesn't quite agree with me when im on the internet or with texts for that matter. Well where to start.. well I haven't been on here in a while cuz I totally couldn't sign in because of my password so I reset it and now we're good folks :) well good cuz I can blog now, not cuz life is good. I guess I'm pretty much a brutally honest person (if you know me well enough, you can very much attest to that) and this IS a blog so I'm gonna be honest.. this week has blown. I haven't felt so alone for a very long time. And it hurts. I very much feed off of ppl and need them but they've all just kinda.. left for one reason or the other. Some reasons are justified but most are selfish and I fear they will be the end of a few relationships. Oh and speaking of romantic relationships, pretty sure I just got out of a messy one of those with my heart pulverized. I don't think I've had that much pain in a relationshp since my babies daddy. I mean, talk about ridiculous for my first relationship after getting knocked up, right? Specially when I had just started school. Messed up. So many ppl around me are getting married or have boyfriends and then there's me. I mean, can a woman catch one break in her love life? Just one!!! I've never dated a nice guy. Not once. I mean they're all nice to start then its a trainwreck. And the worst part about this last relationship is I really let it break me down. I really let it destroy my being. I don't know why or how. Maybe because I'm a single moma and now more then ever, especially when I feel so alone and isolated, I just want to get married and have a family. I'm not saying I wanna get married to just anyone, or that I'm one of those crazy girls with wedding bells on their mind, but iits. Kinda hard not to think about marriage when you have a kick and most expecially when like ninety ppl are getting married left and right that I know. Sigh. Now I'm just sobbing about this. Haha at least ill feel better, eh? Ohh cyber joyrnals.. anyway, I've really let this all affect my schoolwork, happiness, mom skills, etc. And I just hope I can snap out of it. Its really hard to find ppl to relate to when you're a single mom, specially of my age when the aveage biggeest worries in kids my age are minute compared to mine; as are responsibilities. I knew that I could do all the hard work of being.a single mom, the go go go stuff.. what I was worried about was the support because without it, I'm nothing.. and this is a prime example of that. Alas.. tis time to branch out and make new friends and maybe date. Ugh. I hate dating. Maybe I can convince my dad to let me move. Its pretty sad I'm considering living with my parents out of lonliness and wanting to move farther away from sf and the ppl in it lol. Oh well. Maybe things will look up soon. Please world, challenge my cynicism.