Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I can do this on my own.

Isn't it funny how we rely so much on others to hold us up? I've found out in the past few years that I really used to count on a huge support system to hold me up or i would fall. Really though, most of the time I can't count on anyone but myself. That been the hard part since I've gotten pregnant is learning how to rely on me and only me at all times because a lot of the time, I don't have anyone to fall back on, muchless even talk to about the hard things I'm going through. Well, right now is one of those times where I feel like I really need people.. and keep reaching out to them.. and not only do i get nothing back but i get the cold shoulder or rude remarks. like really people?! I need you right now and you know this!! So i've been feeling like a grade A loser and have recently gone back to this whole, well i can do this on my own, mentality and decided to give up on friends and dating and all of that and just focus on being a good mom, my schoolwork, therapy, and church. well..

today i was having a really hard day after a really hard weekend. I was trying to be positive but i was having a hard time not bursting into tears because all efforts to not be alone had blown up in my face and it was really getting to be the last straw. I cried all weekend though so i was trying not to make a scene around my family because i was worried they'd think i was falling apart. well my dad and mom both came to talk to me seperately.. it seriously lifted me up out of that dark hole i was slipping into. My dad never does stuff like that so i was shocked. he just sympathized and told me that things would get better and that i've come a really long way!! :D i was seriously floored. and then he made some suggestions on how to get where i want. then.. my mom just hugged me and told me how proud she was of me and how much she cared and knew how hard i worked and how much it hurt to be in my position. like i just started crying. i couldn't help it. those words were gold to me. i'm so glad someone appreciates how hard i work! i couldn't contain myself haha.

i really hope this little ray of sunshine can keep me going for a while.

i wanna be something Rowan is proud of.

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